Ask for More Useful Beliefs

growth mindset happiness meaning resilience self-doubt thrive well-being Jun 16, 2022
Ask for More Useful Beliefs

This series is about how we ask for more of what we need, because generally we’re not taught how to do this and don’t even realise how important it is.

This week I investigate the messages we receive as a child and how they start to form our map of the world. From this messaging, we create our beliefs, our identity, understand how we fit in, and how we should or shouldn’t be.

This was inspired by my daughter being diagnosed with dyslexia. Fortunately, the messages, materials, and support that are available for children with dyslexia are much more appropriate than when I was a child when some of my peers were diagnosed.

Today, there is a move towards the social model, ie how you meet someone where they are, and if they learn differently, how do you teach them differently? Although, of course, there’s still a long, long way to go and services are chronically underfunded. But I’m grateful for the organisation Made By Dyslexia as they have provided me with a way to frame dyslexia to my daughter in the form of superpowers.

My Childhood Messages

What were your main childhood messages that are and aren’t helpful?

I had loving parents, and their messages of integrity, equality and compassion were lapped up by me as a child. However, they also had their own maps of the world which involved lots of childhood trauma and that was reflected in their parenting, particularly in the area of disappointment in me. I remember constantly being told to stop fidgeting, and that I needed to learn some grace. So, the message I received was that there’s something wrong with me, and I’m not good enough.

Another message I heard a lot, not directly to me but being said in front of me was, “oh it’s such a shame because if she lost that puppy fat, she could actually be really pretty”.

Imagine how many unhelpful messages that give me! I’m not enough, you must be thin, being pretty is the ultimate aim. And shame … that’s a whole blog in itself.

I remember almost being told off for being oversensitive, “you’re just being oversensitive” and “stop being oversensitive”.

And again, the message that I received consistently was that there was something wrong with me. I need to fix myself because the way that I’m responding to what’s happening is not right,  in fact, it’s wrong.

Messages Create Beliefs

All these unhelpful messages, unless we address them and change them can stay with us as we grow up to become adults.

So, my invitation to you is to spend a little time thinking about some of the key, unhelpful messages that you received as a child. Even if you had the most loving, caring family, there are probably some messages that you subconsciously still buy into and they would have helped form your map of the world, how you see yourself, some of your limiting beliefs, and part of your identity as an adult.

Consider what is it that you can do to support yourself, to nourish yourself, and to move away from those unhelpful beliefs.

Moving towards Helpful Beliefs

Start simply by deciding what you want to believe instead. The unhelpful beliefs are somebody else’s and they’ve probably been passed down, often from generation to generation - they’re of their time and not relevant now.

What would you like your new belief to be?

How can you start to practice living with that new belief?

One of the beliefs I changed from “I’m not enough”, and “there’s something wrong with me” is to the belief “of course I’m enough”! And that led to and developed into a deep appreciation of myself as worthy as a human being, for being me, and for all the things I do or don’t do.

Change Starts with Awareness

The first step to changing beliefs is to become aware of the beliefs you still have from those created from unhelpful messages you received as a child. Taking the time to identify them will help you to create new ones that are yours.

If you need more support with this, book a free call and find out how I can help you.

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